Chapter 3: The March of the Hampers
"Now, if we can make our way to the peak of Mount Everest, we can find old St Nick," said one Hamper, as he buckled himself tightly shut.
Ever ready for a challenge, it was the Hampers who stepped forward first, with a plan to save the day. They gathered the troops on the Third Floor.
The Figgy Mustard asked: "How does a man like him just vanish?!"
"The same way a man like that squeezes down millions of chimneys in a single evening, Figgy: he's magic, that's how," said Merrilossus. Everyone agreed that was a very good point.
One Christmas Hamper led the Candles on a quick march to check the stairs, the lifts, and all points in-between. Another took the Mince Pies and Christmas Puddings to the First and Second Floors. One more led the way at the head of the Teas and Champers, all the way down to the Lower Ground and Ground Floors.
"Keep a watch for half-drunk snifters of Christmas Pudding Madeira, nibbled Mince Pies, that sort of thing," he said.
Everyone else — the Baubles, the Biscuits, the Condiments, the Crackers, the wide-awake Stiltons and Merri, the Kea Plum and her Confectionery friends — were sent to gather what the Wickers and Hampers called 'intel' from the reindeers on the roof.
And so up they went, until they emerged into the crisp winter air, high above Piccadilly.
"So when did you notice he was gone?" asked Merri.
"Just as we were just coming into land here," said Rudolph. "I was like 'O-M-Gosh this sleigh is really light all of a sudden.'"
A Bauble, shaped like an Eau de Nil Fortnum's Shopping Bag, shuddered with worry. The group stood silent. Nobody knew quite what to say.
Suddenly, the Kea Plum heard a droning noise in her ear; a bee who'd flown over from one of the rooftop hives. Before she could shoo him away, the Plum heard a tiny buzzy voice say:
"Santa's in the Tea Salon, guv. He does this sometimes: uses his magic to nab a sneaky midnight snack. The old fella just can’t help himself when it comes to sweet and ornate little Christmas treats. Go on, tell everyone."
The Plum cleared her throat and said in a loud and confident voice: "I think he's in the Tea Salon."
"Pardon?" said Dancer.
"In the Tea Salon?" said Comet.
"For the Tonka Bean and Chocolate Bauble," said Prancer and Vixen, at the same time. "He's been on about it for weeks."
"Hurry," said the Merrilossus, "Send the bees to tell the others to meet us on the Fourth Floor! Father Christmas is in the building!"
Quick as a flash, a happy swarm of black-and-yellow fliers went zooming down the floors at Fortnum's, delivering the hopeful news of St Nick's impending discovery to every sweet, savoury and sippable thing they encountered along the way.
And before long, the crowd had trooped its merry way towards the Fourth Floor — and long before they'd even stepped inside, they could hear the unmistakeable sound of Christmas Carols being played (sweetly but amateurishly, if truth be told) on the Tea Salon piano.
And as they rounded the staircase and the entrance to the Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon came into view, there was the man himself, sat at the keys: one hand picking out the melody to 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas', the other holding a Tonka Bean and Chocolate Bauble, which was just a single bite away from being devoured completely.
The crowd sighed with relief. St Nick looked typically unflustered: "Looking for me?" he asked with a wink, and his mouth full with cake. The Scotch Eggs giggled the hardest, each a hearty endorser of the old boy's sass.
And then everyone moved to the roof, where the final preparations were made for the Christmas Eve trip ahead.
Hampers flew open. Caddies and tins, bottles and boxes, accessories and necessities and cherished festive favourites all jostled into position within their designated Wickers.
And as the sleigh took to the air (guided by the bees, working as ground crew and using honey drizzlers as impromptu marshalling wands), the Kea Plum could have sworn she heard the distant shout of her new friends, the Crackers, yelling in a happy chorus:
"Same time next year, everyone!"
Shop the Stars of the Story
CHRISTMAS AFTERNOON TEA ● CHRISTMAS HAMPERS ● HONEY BEE CHRISTMAS DECORATION ● GLACE KEA PLUMS ● MERRILOSSUS BISCUITS ● CHRISTMAS CHAMPAGNE
