The BBQ Argument | Fortnum's Summer Stories
Introducing the next in our series of summer short stories: a very unusual disagreement
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'The BBQ Argument'
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Two words, BARBECUE and BARBEQUE, are sitting on opposite sides of a table. They look similar, but not identical. One looks relaxed; the other looks irate.
CUE
OK, let's settle this, once and for all.
QUE
Fine by me.
CUE
I'm right, you're wrong.
QUE
Maybe. I just think there's room for both of us. It's a matter of taste--
CUE
From the Spanish word, barbacoa--
QUE
I know, I know...
CUE
Have you seen the numbers? The usage statistics? Me versus you? It's not even close.
QUE
Yes, you're more popular--
CUE
By a lot.
QUE
--but I'm fancier.
CUE
You're not even in the Oxford Dictionary any more!
QUE
A blip. I'll be back.
CUE
You're 'not accepted in standard English.' You're officially an incorrect spelling!
QUE
But I'm still in Merriam-Webster.
CUE
'Though listed as an alternative in some dictionaries, barbeque is best avoided.' Not my words, the words of the Oxford Dict--
QUE
They just need to get to know me better.
CUE
Best avoided!
QUE
So why is it 'BBQ'?
CUE
Because 'cue' sounds like 'Q'?!
QUE
So does 'que'. And, crucially, it contains an actual Q. Game, set, match.
CUE
No, no, no, because in Italian: barbecue; in French: barbecue; in Spanish: barbecue--
BARBIE
--in Australian, barbie. G'day, fellas. How you going? Still bickering, eh?
CUE
Stay out of this!
